


Forgive Yourself and Go... Before It's Too Late

by Lady_Dragon17



Category: Bleach
Genre: Confessions, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27050275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Dragon17/pseuds/Lady_Dragon17
Summary: Rangiku bursts into the office drunk and angry. It takes Toshiro time to get her to explain what is wrong, but when he does finally understand her words have him running like his life depends on it. There's someone he needs see and he needs to go to her right now.
Relationships: Hinamori Momo/Hitsugaya Toushirou, Ichimaru Gin/Matsumoto Rangiku
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	Forgive Yourself and Go... Before It's Too Late

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me late last night and I had to write it up. It is a little sadder and darker than I like, but the idea just seemed so vivid. So I hope you all enjoy! Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

He looked around his office as he put the report he had just finished to the side. It quiet, the way he liked it normally, but today he was worried.

He looked out the window. It was later than he expected it to be. He knew the paperwork would take a long time, especially without any help from his vice-captain but he hadn’t expected it to take this long. He looked around the office again, his gaze lingering on the other desk in the room for a few seconds before settling on the couch nearby.

Still, despite how long it had taken him to do both of their paperwork for this one day he was ok with Rangiku slacking off. He would normally reprimand her for not doing her part of the division’s paperwork. He would threaten her with taking away her precious sake or maybe even threaten to use kido to force her to stay at her desk until it was done. But not today.

Today was the one day every year he let her do whatever. She needed this day to herself.

He was never big on emotions. After all, Rangiku showed hers enough for the both of them, but these ones he understood. He knew the pain she felt. The emptiness that gnawed at her heart. The hole she tried to fill with other things but never could. So he gave her support the best way he knew how, to give her freedom.

For this one day a year if she didn’t complete a single duty, didn’t attend one meeting or sign one report it was fine with him. If she did the opposite and drowned herself in work to distract herself that he was supportive of that too.

Each year was different and he had seen her go through a large spectrum of reactions. The first year there had been a lot of crying and copious amounts of sake. He had listened intently while she poured her heart out to him on the very couch he now stared at. The next year she had come in overly happy, like she was over-compensating. She refused to let a single thing bring her down.

Another year she came in looking like she had no feelings at all. She was cold and detached the whole day. That year had scared him more than any other. He was the usually the stoic one, not her. So to see her even more stoic than him had been concerning. But per the unspoken agreement they had formed over the years he didn’t say anything about it and just let her do what she felt she needed to.

That year she had worried him more than ever before. Until now that is. No matter how she chose to cope she always at least stopped by. It was her half of that unspoken agreement. He gave her complete freedom to do and act however she needed to in order to get through the day, but she would show her face at least once so he knew she was ok.

He needed to know that no matter how she was dealing with it she was at least still alive. A few times over the years the darkness had been so thick he had worried she would try something to harm herself. She never had but still he worried.

Rangiku was one of the few people he truly cared for. She wasn’t always the best vice-captain when it came to things like paperwork, but she had his back when it mattered most. She had ever since she found him all those years ago and educated him on the damage he was accidentally causing his grandmother.

He wasn’t the best at emotions and showing that he cared about her, but she knew him well enough to know that he did care nonetheless. She told him so before and he was grateful she understood him.

So when today had finally come he went about business as usual. When it became clear she was not going to be doing any paperwork today he did had collected the stacks from her desk and settled in to do them himself instead. He left only for meetings, but always came straight back. He waited patiently for her to come by while he worked. But she never had.

So now he was worried and a little scared.

He reached his senses out, trying to feel her reiatsu. He searched the grounds of the 10th first, hoping she was just in her room passed out drunk or taking out some frustration in the training area. When he found nothing, he looked in the direction of the 4th, thinking maybe she was there getting medical help of some sort.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he finally felt it. She was moving in this direction, whether to the office or her quarters he couldn’t be sure but he would stick around just in case.  
He absent-mindedly organized the stacks of completed paperwork according to where they needed to go next as he waited.

It was a shorter wait than he had expected. He turned as soon as he heard the door slide open. He wasn’t surprised by the strong smell of sake that wafted into the room or the half-empty bottle of it that she gripped tightly in one hand. He was however surprised by the look of anger that she wore.

He’d seen her angry before of course, especially on this day. But this was different. This wasn’t self-loathing or even anger at him. No, this was directed at her captain and he had no idea why.  
She stalked into the room before stopping a few feet away from him to yell, “Taicho! You coward!”

With as much alcohol as he could smell he had expected her to be slurring her words and stumbling in her steps, but that wasn’t the case. She was sure-footed and speaking clearly. He was so surprised in fact that it took him several seconds to process that she had just insulted him.

He grit his teeth in response. He wanted to lash out at her for insulting him, but he had no idea where this was coming. No idea what started this. Besides, while this was the first time she had taken her pain out on him this was still her day and he was going to be here for her no matter what, even if that meant being her verbal punching bag.

“You spineless son of a bitch!”

He literally bit his tongue to stop the retort that rose. His gazed locked with hers and they just stared at each other for a moment. Her eyes were wide and crazed. Whatever this was about, she wasn’t in her right mind. And while she was yelling at him he wasn’t sure if was really him she was mad at or if he was just the one she was taking things out on.

“How many years has it been? How much time have you wasted? How long have you stood back and done nothing? How many more opportunities will you miss? What is it going to take!” Her questions started at a normal volume and steadily rose. Her face flushed as she berated him, but he was no closer to figuring out what this was really about.

He opened his mouth to ask her, but instead rushed to her side as she suddenly collapsed to now sit on the ground. The bottle of sake fell and rolled away slightly, the alchol sloshing out to make a small puddle nearby.

He placed a timid hand on her shoulder, still unsure what was happening and whether his presence would help or hurt. Her shoulders shook lightly. Her hair was shielding her face from his gaze so he slowly pushed it back and was shocked to see tears streaming down her face.

She looked up at him, her voice broken and sad as she spoke, “Stop wasting time. Fight for your happiness. Take the leap of faith. Because you never know when it’ll be too late.”

He furrowed his brow in confusion. “Rangiku what is this about? What’s going on?”

“Momo,” was all she said at first. She grabbed the hand he had placed on her shoulder in a death grip before continuing. “Taicho you love her. You have for a long time so why don’t you tell her? She’s been in your life for so long and you have each meant so much to the other. So what is it that stops you from pushing for more?”

“Rangiku, it’s not-“ he started.

She stopped him, her eyes and voice once more filled with rage. “No! There is no excuse! None! He should have told me! He kept me in dark! He walked away and left me behind. Then at the last minute he tried to do the right thing, but it wasn’t enough. He left and now he is gone! He’s dead and I’ll never know how he felt!”

His eyes widened as he caught on now. This wasn’t fully about him. It was about Gin. The name that he didn’t dare utter in front of her. The reason for her pain and suffering. The reason she grieved this day every year. His heart ached as he listened to her passionately berate him, now fully understanding what she was really saying.

“We’ll never get a chance to know what could have been! He never knew how I really felt and I’ll never know what he felt! He’s dead and now I have to live with that regret!” Her voice broke and another tear fell down her cheek before she continued, quiet and in control once more. “But it isn’t too late for you Taicho. You need to tell her how you feel.”

“I-“

Once again she didn’t let him speak. “Don’t tell me you don’t love her. Don’t insult me like that taicho. I spend more time with you than anyone else. I have seen how you look at her, how you talk about her, how you act around her. You love her. And if you didn’t realize that before than you need to realize it now.”

He was shocked. She was right of course. He cared deeply for Hinamori, more than just friends. He had held romantic feelings for her for her for a long time. His feelings had only grown over the years as she grew after the Winter War. She had grown more beautiful, more confident, more powerful. She was even training for her Bankai now. He had been proud to see all she achieved and even more happy she had let him stay near her through it all despite what he had done to her. Yes he loved her and he had suspected Rangiku had known, but he hadn’t expected Rangiku to call him out for those feelings, especially not like this.

“You’re right. But you also know why I can’t be with her too,” he replied, glad to finally be allowed to speak.

“That’s bullshit taicho! How long will you punish yourself for Aizen’s manipulation? Momo is alive and well. In fact, she is stronger than ever. She forgave you years ago so you need to forgive yourself.”

He cringed at her words. He couldn’t forgive himself. He had almost killed the most important person in his life. That isn’t something you give forgive and forget. That wasn’t something he could move past.

“You keep yourself just far enough away to not let your feelings push you further. You care for and protect her, but that is all you allow yourself. You nearly killed yourself training so hard to be able to protect her better, but you still can’t find it in you to forgive yourself? You have almost lost her twice now. Twice! She’s lucky to have survived either one of those times let alone both! You can’t wait anymore! Don’t waste anymore time because you never know when that time is up! Don’t be like me! Don’t risk living with this kind of hatred and regret because you couldn’t take a leap of faith for someone you loved! Tell her!”

She pushed him away at that last impassioned statement. “GO! Go now Taicho! Go tell her!” She was urging him towards the door frantically now. “You never know what will happen next. Especially with as dangerous as being a Shinigami is! Go! Before it’s too late! She eserves to know and you deserve to be happy so go to her! Go now!”

He didn’t know why he listened.

Maybe it was seeing all the emotions swimming in her eyes. Maybe it was the culmination of years of seeing what she had gone through after Gin’s death and his fear of going through the same. Maybe he had just been waiting on that one last push. Whatever it was he found himself rushing out the door and down the hall before he even realized he was moving.

As soon as he was out of the building he kicked up a notch. He shunpo’d all the way to the 5th. He pushed himself faster than ever. He could feel her reiatsu and followed it like his life depended on it.  
His heart was pounding and he could hear the blood pounding in his head. He couldn’t think of anything but reaching her. He didn’t care who saw him or who he had to go through to get to her, he just needed her. Thankfully, no one got in his way and he soon found himself in front of the familiar door that led to her private quarters.

He pounded on the door. “Hinamori! Open up! It’s me, open up!” He didn’t care who heard him. Some part of him knew it was late and he could be disturbing others who were sleeping, but he didn’t care one iota.

He was just about to start calling for her again when she finally opened the door. She had changed out of her uniform and into a sleeping yukata. Her eyes were wide as she stood in the doorway staring at him puzzled.

“Shiro-chan?”

She was gorgeous. His heart sped up as he gazed at her. All the feelings he had tried to hide and suppress came rushing to the surface. “Momo…”

**Author's Note:**

> So there is it, I hope you enjoyed reading! When the idea came to me I intended it to be a one-shot, but now that it is written I am toying with adding another chapter. It would be shorter, but would show Toshiro's confession. Let me know if that is something you would want to see.


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